By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. My friend, the LEGENDARY, Rock (Dwayne Johnson), was just put on blast by some EBT-toting soy boy out there, saying that he died. REALLY? Really? This is another one of those death hoaxes and I’m going to right this wrong. YA HEARD!
I called my friend, The Rock, and he had the following to say:
“James, first, you are the best writer of all time and you are the people’s champ when it comes to writing, if you smell what the Rock is cooking. Now, I have been put on blast by some soy boy, cellar dweller and my god, imagine if my millions and millions of fans heard that? They’d be devastated! It could have fucked up my chance at making another TOOTH FAIRY movie. Well, please let my fans that I’m alive and well and I will show them a rampage up the ass if they keep writing smack about me. I will layeth the smack down on any soy boy’s candy ass that puts me on blast again and will have the Big Show give them a Cleveland steamer if you smell what the rock is cooking.”
Well said Rock.
(Note: Comments may not be those of Dwayne Johnson.)
