By Geno McGahee

On October 26^th, Lionsgate will be releasing the Sci-Fi film “WARNING” to Blu-ray and DVD.  It was released to Digital, On Demand and in some theaters on the 22^nd of the month.  It is an anthology, which was a pleasant surprise and rare approach to the subject matter.  WARNING wasn’t what I was expecting at all and I have to say that it was a lot of fun and brought forth some interesting tales, all dealing with technology of one sort or another.

Thomas Jane plays an astronaut, which acts as sort of the wraparound story and is an interesting story too.  I liked the way that each tale was introduced and what the producers were doing with this film.  They knew what they wanted and they approached the subject matter well and presented it in a modern fashion.  This is not TWILIGHT ZONE.  This is made from today’s eyes and the problems we see today and what we fear.

There’s a story called GOD 2.0 and it basically goes after the Amazon Echo technology or Siri.  It really showed how that technology can manipulate people and be manipulated.  That was probably the best of the tales, but I can’t say that any stood out as bad.  

WARNING was a surprise and a good one.  It’s a solid anthology that I really enjoyed.  I highly recommend it.

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After Midnight, Missy is gonna let it all hang out!  WOOT WOOT. Imma love me some Eric Clapton.  I also love me some horror anthologies and the 1989 flick AFTER MIDNIGHT is no exception to that rule. It’s unique, insane fun and keeps the stories kicking from start to finish.

The movie opens with a bunch of college cats attending a class on the Psychology of Fear. I took a lot of psychology courses in college and I have to say, they never had one on fear. I would’ve jumped at that motherfucker. I got stuck with Psychology of Love and some feel-good bullshit that irritated the hell out of me.

The Psychology of Fear class in AFTER MIDNIGHT was not feel-good bullshit. No, son! That course is hardcore! Professor Edward Derek (Ramy Zada) takes an unorthodox approach in teaching and pulls a gun on smart-ass punk bully Russ (Ed Monaghan). Russ pisses his pants and runs out of the room. Derek then turns the gun on himself and shoots himself in the head. The students panic, but he’s fine. It was a practical joke. Ha Ha?

Quiet and shy Allison (Jillian McWhirter) has a serious case of déjà vu and isn’t thrilled with the course at all, but her best bud Cheryl (Pamela Adlon) is a crazy bitch like me and loves this shit.

The next day, Russ complained to the school and Derek is forced to make a few changes. You figure the school board would have fired his ass for pointing a gun at a student and pretending to off himself in front of the whole class, but no. He just had to wear a preppy sweater and go old-school teaching with textbooks. Tenure, man! It lets you get away with everything!

So, Derek tells the students that though he has to change his approach in class, the school can’t dictate what he does in his own home. The professor is a badass rebel and he don’t give a fuck. He tells the kids to show up at his place. Yeah – I don’t think this dude is a good teacher! RUN ALLISON RUN!

Well, Allison, Cheryl and a few other peeps show up to see what Edward has up his sleeve. He tells them that they’ll be sharing scary stories, but not ones with monsters, goblins and ghouls. Instead, it’s going to be REAL horror stories.

The kids are in like Flynn, but meanwhile Russ is plotting revenge for the antics in school. He has an ax and is breaking into the professor’s house. Russ did not find the humor of having a gun pointed at him as a prank.  What a dick!

As Russ is lurking around, the first story begins. It follows married couple, Joan (Nadine Van der Velde) and her husband Kevin (Marc McClure), who are out for his birthday.  The car gets two flat tires on a near deserted road. They walk to the nearest house, and when no one answers, they break-in.  Once inside, the two split up and Russ starts panicking. He comes across human skulls and sees an old guy with knives. The visuals are pretty crazy but very well done and the twist is a fun one.

The second story is about stupid girls. I hate stupid girls, but I love this tale. Amy (Tracy Wells) borrows her dad’s car and is hanging with her gal pals Kelly (Penelope Sudrow), Jennifer (Judie Aronson) and Lisa (Monique Salcido).   These girls get off the freeway on a nearly empty tank of gas and don’t notice until they’re fucked in the middle of nowhere.  Now for the younger cats out there, this was long before the days of smart phones and GPS, so they are shit out of luck. This really falls on Amy. She’s a stupid bitch! She’s not paying attention to where she’s going, the car gauges and worse – she’s a complete coward.

They make it to a dilapidated closed down gas station and decide to wander in to see if there’s anyone who can help. Bad move, ladies. Amy and Kelly chill outside while the tougher, vamp-ier and sexier gals enter. Jennifer and Lisa are the partiers of the group, but they’re not street. They’re suburban tough. Inside, they run into a slime-ball wannabe rapist (Luis Contreras) who happens to own very vicious dogs. The girls barely get away, but the pups are up for the chase.  When the car runs out of gas, and they’re forced out and onto the empty dark streets of an unfamiliar city, the ladies must reach deep and find a resolve to fight back or end up literal dog meat.

The last tale aside from the wraparound follows an all night operator who takes calls at a hotel for high class clients including celebrities. Due to cutbacks, badass fem Alex (Marg Helgenberger) must work alone. She’s annoyed by it, but not worried at first. She’s a tough dame who can typically take care of herself, but sadly she’s on crutches due to an accident.

Enter, Richard (Alan Rosenberg), and FUCK Richard! Richard is a mean ol’ psychopath stalker who keeps calling for a soap opera star that is staying in the building. After his umpteenth call, Alex realizes he’s a nut. She lies to Richard and says that the actress isn’t in her room, but super sneaky sleuth Dick knows that to be false.  Soon, he targets Alex, and despite her injury, she needs to fight back against the madman to escape his reign of terror.

I’ve worked alone and dealt with crazies before so this one resonates strongly with me. It’s fantastically done and bears some similarity to the BODY BAGS (1993) short The Gas Station with the great Robert Carradine. Storyline wise they’re different enough, but the tension it builds and the tone of the tale are very much alike, and both equally pack a pretty hard punch.

In the end, the wraparound tale for AFTER MIDNIGHT is one of the best in the history of film anthologies. It incorporates aspects of every other tale and while the stories that came before were told from the perspective that they could exist in reality, the conclusion flips that on its head. Mysticism, magic and spectacularly strange imagery is used to bring in a paranormal aspect to the movie which somehow works perfectly.  I take it as the film saying, “there are things that you and I don’t understand, but it doesn’t mean they are any less real than those that we do.”  It’s a deep message for a fun popcorn movie and I admire the fuck out of it for doing more than it had to and much more than what was expected of it.

Watch this. It’s awesome. I love it. You’ll love it if you have good taste.  If you don’t like it, get better taste and try again.

Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10

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Blackberry brandy, weed and NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR (1985) makes for a good Wednesday night at the bro’s.  Admittedly, I’m still a bit high so this review may be all over the place, but I will try to stay focused.

I love this anthology. The film is made up of three short stories that were actually full length films originally. Both the features and the shorts are done remarkably well and I appreciate both for what they are. Several times a year, I’ll throw this in and enjoy the over-the-top campiness and crazy spectacle of insanity that the flick is.

The movie starts off on a train. There are singers and dancers having a grand ol’ time as in another room God (Ferdy Mayne) and the Devil (Tony Giorgio) are sitting at a table, tuning into certain people to determine who gets their souls. This is the wraparound that pulls us into each story.

The first is THE CASE OF HARRY BILLINGS which is a reduced version of the film SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF (1981) which was never finished and not completed by the director. Years later, director John Carr reedited it  into MARILYN ALIVE AND BEHIND BARS (1992).

The short is a simple one.  Harry (John Phillip Law) is a good looking guy who is kidnapped by a corrupt hospital. He is then used to lure victims in so that the surgeons can steal their organs. Richard Moll is both in this tale and the final one. Here, he portrays a dastardly and evil orderly who gives gleefully over-the-top reactions when finally struck down.

The next tale is THE CASE OF GREAT CONNORS. The full-length version goes by many names DEATH WISH CLUB (1983), CARNIVAL OF FOOLS, THE DARK SIDE OF LOVE or as it’s offered on the SPECIAL EDITION: NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR (1985) DVD as a free bonus feature, GRETTA.

The full length feature, though having a few horror elements was more of a suspense than a horror. Both the short and film adaptations surround Gretta Connors (Meredith Haze), a fun sexy girl taken in by a rich man. She ends up joining his cult where they play Russian Roulette style games. Each time, one of the group dies. I love Gretta. She’s gorgeous and vampy and playful. She’s ready and up for anything and has the 70’s/ early 80s natural beauty that hits hard.

In the NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR version, sequences are added in attempts to make it scarier. It doesn’t work. It’s actually quite hilarious, but I love it regardless.  For example, there’s a stop motion animation of a flying insect that attacks a couple in a park after escaping.  There are a few other strange additions that were added into the short and overall they work marvelously together. I still suggest watching the full film as it’s intriguing and oddly delightful.

The last tale is my favorite.  Oh, how I love this tale.  First, legend Cameron Mitchell is in it!  He’s fab. Second, it’s about a sexy evil Satan with hooves that fucks the ladies and has a harem.  Yummy!  Last, Richard Moll portrays atheist and pompous writer James Hansen. He doesn’t believe in God or the devil and thinks his wife Claire (Faith Clift) is naive to believe in such things. He’s such a caricature of those who pretend they know everything and Moll nails the role.

Meanwhile, an old man and holocaust survivor Abraham Weiss (Marc Lawrence) sees a horrifyingly familiar face on TV. Olivier (Robert Bristol) a devastatingly handsome evil little thing with shaggy black hair and a gorgeous suit is shown on the small television. Though, he hasn’t aged, Weiss is sure that he’s the Nazi he remembers. He calls the police and Lt. Sterne (Cameron Mitchell) gets on the case. He begins investigating.

Olivier is not only an old Nazi, but he’s the devil – or the friend of the devil. I don’t know. He’s sexy AF but he did a lot really bad things! He kills all the time and he worked for Hitler – so there’s that.

At one point, he’s about to rock this chick’s life and she’s all into it, but then he gets hooves.  I’ll say this – the hooves wouldn’t be a deal-breaker for me. The Nazi thing would have been, but I could have gotten over the hooves.

Claire is taken in by Olivier’s charm while James tries to wrap his mind around the supernatural elements to what is going on. Sterne though skeptical knows something isn’t right with Olivier and begins to uncover the truth of the ageless demon’s origins.

I love this flick. The entire movie is so much better. THE NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS (1980) is a must-see for any horror fan, but if you’re in the mood for an anthology, the reduced cut shown here is very suitable.

I love this flick. It only has a 3.9 on IMDB but those fuckers don’t know what they’re talking about. Only horror fans should vote on whether horror flicks are good or not. If you don’t like or appreciate the genre, don’t vote on it – you bunch of pricks!

Track this one down. It should be easy. It’s everywhere. Hell, it’s on TUBI for free and someone also uploaded it on YOUTUBE as well.

Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10

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ROCK-A-DIE BABY (1989) is a horror anthology with a wannabe heavy metal band singing a song called Spooky Lady after each tale. Not convinced it’s good yet?  There’s also a middle-aged woman telling her very young daughter these insanely inappropriate R rated stories, and if that wasn’t enough, television icon Dick Sargent stars opposite a lady vamp in one of them.  This is so horribly bad, it’s amazing.

The film opens with the rock band needing to make a new music video. Okay. Then we see the blonde woman on a couch with her kid. They’re weird. They’re very weird and not even horror movie weird. They’re of the “someone call child protective services because this is uncomfortable,” weird.  It’s very similar to the uncle telling his nephew R rated tales in DEADTIME STORIES (1986). Their wildly inappropriate, sex-filled oddities that no child should hear.

The first in ROCK-A-DIE-BABY takes place during the Vietnam War.  You know, something that little girls LOVE hearing about. A group of soldiers come across a dead body of one of a fellow brother-in-arms.  There they find a woman who they take with them.  The soldiers talk about raping her in a somewhat joking somewhat serious, but always disturbing way. She is no average woman though. She’s a monster and evident by the rock band after the tale, a very spooky lady.

The second story follows a group of college kids who decide to prank a nerdy girl. They invite her over and do a fake séance to bring back their old professor.  It turns out the teacher was a horny lesbian who wanted to fuck the geek and made untoward advances. Not only that, the poor girl didn’t get her deserved high grades because she wouldn’t fuck the professor. Of course, the séance works.  So the Zombie Lesbian Molesting Teacher is resurrected. Yep, this was made in the 80s folks.  I fucking love the 80s. It’s madness. It’s pure madness.  At the conclusion of this bit, we once again are greeted by the heavy metal band singing Spooky Lady. Afterwards, we are reminded that  the mother from the beginning is still telling her little daughter these insane ramblings. It’s so fucked up.

The last tale stars Dick Sargent and his character has just married a much younger and more attractive female vampire. That should be enough for you.  It starts when the couple take a taxi to a pier and basically fuck in front of the driver.  The driver looks and sees in the mirror to see the fem’s reflection is nowhere to be seen. This whole thing is done really tongue-and-cheek, moreso than the rest of the flick. Garlic allergies, breaking mirrors, bad fake teeth and a silly ridiculous twist that will make you laugh outloud all make this worth a watch.

Like the others the last tale does end with the song Spooky Lady. It also shows the mother once again and offers another absolutely delightfully bad surprise.

Currently, this is free on YOUTUBE. Watch this. It’s so bad. It’s insanely bad. It’s purposefully bad. It definitely shouldn’t work on any level whatsoever, but it does. It soooo does. It’s splendid.

Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10

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By Melissa Antoinette Garza

I am a sucker for R rated fairy-tale fantasies. On the camp side I’ll take DEADTIMES STORIES (1986) any day of the week, for something more erotic I venture to THE BEAST (1975) and for the artistically sexy I go to THE COMPANY OF WOLVES (1984). A girl must know what they like and what they’re in the mood for. Today, I go to the surreal and Gothic.

The film begins with Rosaleen (Sarah Patterson) fast asleep on her bed. In her dream, she lives during the late 1700s. Rosaleen’s sister is killed by wolves. Her grandmother (Angela Lansbury) takes her in to give her parents some time to properly grieve.

Granny knits the red hood for Rosaleen and warns her to stay on path in the woods, never eat fruit that falls from a tree, and always steer clear of men who have eyebrows that meet. At night, Granny tells Rosaleen a story of werewolves.

She talks of a woman (Kathryn Pogson) that met a travelling man (Stephen Rea). The two marry and on their wedding night, he leaves. His wife is oblivious to the true nature of her new husband and she waits for him to return. Wolves surround the cabin and she fear the worst. She summons a search party praying he wasn’t killed. Eventually she accepts that he was and remarries. She has children with her new beau and soon turns bitter in young motherhood. One night, her first husband returns and reveals himself to her. He is furious with her for moving on and reveals himself as the werewolf he really is.

Some of the best special effects and make-up ever put on screen happen in this film. I love it. When he turns into what looks like a skinned dog, it’s insanely well-done. It should disgust me, but I’m always astounded by the detail and precision of the art. It’s beautifully grotesque.

Rosaleen is sent to bed after the story, but awakes to howling in the middle of the night. Though, she remains in bed there is certainly something out there beckoning her.

Once back in the village with her parents (David Warner and Tusse Silberg), Rosaleen meets a boy (Shane Johnstone). He courts her for a bit and asks her to walk through the woods together.

Before she goes, she returns to granny’s and hears another story regarding a young boy who tempted by the Devil (Terence Stamp). He’s given a potion that makes hair grow on his chest and plant-life attach to him. He becomes paralyzed by the vines entangling his legs.

That Sunday, Rosaleen walks with the boy who tries to get a bit frisky with her. They fool around and play games for a bit. Rosaleen ends up venturing off the path that her grandmother warned her about. She comes across a tall tree that she climbs and hides in. When the boy sees a wolf with blood on his mouth, he panics and runs out of the woods. The parents begin arguing with one another and fighting. She shows a statute of baby Jesus she found that sheds a tear.

All the villagers get together with torches held to kill the wolf. When they chase him down and murder him, Rosaleen’s father cuts off the wolf’s paw only to see it transform to a human hand.

Meanwhile, Rosaleen tells her mother a story. A woman (Dawn Archibald) crashes the wedding of her douchebag ex (Richard Morant). He ditched her while she was pregnant and now she’s visibly with child. The woman chides those present for their hypocrisy before using some old fashion black magic to turn them into wolves that she reigns over. Honestly, I would have much preferred to be at the wedding of pups.

Later, Rosaleen starts off in the woods to bring her granny a basket of baked treats. She brings a knife for protection. Deep in the forest and on the path, she meets a huntsman (Micha Bergese) who claims to know a shorter way to granny’s. He races her there and wins.

The Huntsman is a wolf who kills granny and seeks solace in relief from Rosaleen. Shockingly, she offers it to him.

She tells him a story about a woman (Danielle Dax) sot by a villager for being a wolf. A priest (Graham Crowden) shields her from danger and heals her.

In the end, we conclude back in the real Rosaleen’s house and on her bed where the dream and film began. Only now we know, Rosaleen has lost some innocence and gained some insight.

The movie is filled with symbolism and imagery to convey emotion. At its heart it is a coming of age story done magnificently well. Like LABYRINTH (1986), ALICE IN WONDERLAND (1951) and WIZARD OF OZ (1939), we have an outstanding woman led production that tells the story of female evolution in an artistic fantasy manner.

The cast is outstanding. The anthology tales woven in fit remarkably well with the tone and pace. It’s a very unique spin on THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD story.

If you don’t own it, but subscribe to AMAZON PRIME, watch it now.

Scared Stiff Rating: 7/10

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By Melissa Antoinette Garza

This is one of my favorite and one of the most underrated episodes in THE TWILIGHT ZONE series. I like to think of this as a precursor to THE STEPFORD WIVES (1975) as it deals with many of the same themes, but in very different ways.

Marilyn (Collin Wilcox Paxton) is turning 19 years old which is a huge milestone. In this society, at age 19 each person chooses their appearance from a series of pictures. It’s a full transformation that results in many of the residents looking identical to one another.

Marilyn’s mother Lana (Suzy Parker) is excited and can’t wait for her daughter to choose between identities #8 or #12. Lana chose #12 which is so popular that even her maid appears to be a twin.

Marilyn is not excited. Her Uncle Rick (Richard Long) who also went thru a transformation comes by to talk with her. It is there that Marilyn says the best line in the episode, “but is that good – being like everybody? Isn’t that the same as being nobody?”

Marilyn tries to convey her concerns to her Uncle and mother. She talks of how when her father was alive they would discuss real topics like individualism. Her uncle doesn’t understand and offers her a cup of “instant smile.” She tries desperately to relate to him saying that sometimes she doesn’t want to smile. She wants to keep her autonomy in tact and feel real emotion, but everyone around her is content with this false reality they’ve created. Not only are they content with it, but they insist on dragging her down too.

No one can understand why Marilyn would choose to remain her own self when the alternatives were so much more beautiful and voluptuous. None grasp the concept of self-determination or self-identity. They buy into the glam of it all – hook, line and sinker without ever questioning the methods.

I won’t spoil the conclusion, but I definitely suggest seeking this one out. It’s absolutely fantastic and gut-wrenching at times.  Enjoy this on PRIME – Sesason 5/Episode 17!

 Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10

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This horror short follows a man (Richard O’Brien) who is working in his wood-shop, on an unknown project. There, we watch this stunning creature measure, drill, screw, strip and hammer the contraption . He is meticulous with every move and makes certain that the device is perfect. Though, his motives remain unclear until a devastating end.

The man is a well dressed gent, who has the outward appearance of someone timid and reserved. When building his creation, he’s confident of every move he makes. He pays close attention to every detail of his design. His concept is perfectly put into practice and when finished, the results are precisely what the man wanted.

With only a single line of dialogue from the man’s off-camera wife (Charlotte Cornwell), all that can be heard is the sounds of creation and then extermination.

THE CONTRAPTION is the directorial debut of James Dearden, who is most notably known for directing FATAL ATTRACTION (1987). Even this early in his career, Dearden was able to conjure up a stirring dark tone and a slow-burn pace. This is a very effective tale, told in a unique fashion.

Tied with THE INK THIEF (1994), it’s safe to say that, THE CONTRAPTION has the sexiest lead character of all time. Fine, you caught me. Both are portrayed by Richard O’Brien. It doesn’t make it any less true!

Of course, I initially sought this out because of O’Brien’s performance. Everything he does is done brilliantly. I enjoy nothing more than drowning in his work. Without fail, he always and consistently delivers.

Here, without speaking a word, O’Brien skillfully conveys the significance of the project. Even when the item is unknown, the precise and methodical nature he exhibits, reveals how important it is. O’Brien’s characters always pull me in. They own me and my attention from the moment he takes the screen. Here is no exception.   He is remarkably beautiful!  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Richard O’Brien is living art. His existence is the most powerful of aphrodisiacs.

I was fortunate enough to find this 8-minute gem on YOUTUBE. It is still currently up there to stream for free. I suggest you watch it now.  If you have downloading software,  grab it and save it.  If it’s taken down, I imagine that it will be a near impossible find.

Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10  Richard O’Brien Rating: 11/10

The post The Contraption (1977) – Horror Short – Film Review appeared first on SCARED STIFF REVIEWS.

When looking for different things to review for Halloween, I found that HULU is streaming TINY TOON ADVENTURES: NIGHT GHOULERY (1995).  I remember when this first came out and how much I loved it. Even now, well over 20 years later, it holds up marvelously.

As a tribute to NIGHT GALLERY (1969), Babs Bunny (Tress MacNeille) presents the tales marvelously. She sports a dashing gray suit and though breaking character in a number of hilarious ways, does a fantastic Serling impression. Like Serling, she is an art gallery and uses the portraits as a segue into each short.

The first is a parody of the great Edgar Allan Poe’s classic THE TELL-TALE HEART, only here it is Hampton J. Pig’s (Don Messick) vacuum that is driving the narrator mad. Here, the narrator is Plucky Duck (Joe Alaskey), who just can’t take the noise anymore and must destroy the evil cleaning device.

Mixing direct quotes from Poe and then adding ridiculous lines creates for some of the greatest moments in TINY TOON ADVENTURES history.  God, I miss the 90s! As hard as I was on the American game shows of the 90s, I do give a lot of cred for the tremendous cartoons of that era.

Watching Plucky’s breakdown is such a delightful treat.  The conclusion cracks me up.  It’s such a tribute to the overly ironic twists that so many horror productions are known for. I have so much adoration for art which could easily be done pretentiously, but instead is off-the-wall silly.  It takes a very intelligent person to design such a perfect parody.  Sadly, ego sometimes gets in the way and the artist insists that their insight and vision be communicated in a hammer-to-the-head style.  In essence, they want the prestige and recognition from the art community.  What I love about TINY TOON ADVENTURES (1990), THE ANIMANIACS (1993), FREAKAZOID! (1995) and PINKY and THE BRAIN (1995)is that they were formulated by geniuses, who were confident enough, to not need the accolades of mainstream audiences.

Some of the other tales include a sneezing mouse ghost, a beast known as the devil dog and a murderous truck.  All of these are really short, but also very cute.

The highlights, and there are many of them, show Plucky confronting the devil in a fun take on DANIEL WEBSTER AND THE DEVIL (1941), Dr. FrankEnmyra’s (Cree Summer) efforts in making something cute and cuddly, a NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD riff with harassing salesmen busting down doors,  and in fitting fashion a TWILIGHT ZONE sendoff where Plucky, doing a fantastic William Shatner impression, sees a gremlin on a plane.

TINY TOON ADVENTURES: NIGHT GHOULERY is just genius TV. It’s fun and over-the-top, but it’s also smart and complimentary toward everything it parodies. This isn’t the EPIC MOVIE (2007) garbage parody style that was forced upon America in the early to mid noughties. Instead, the visionaries here not only knew of the art they were parodying but they also had genuine affection for them, and it showed. This is a love song to all the greats of horror and that’s why horror fans appreciate it so much.

Scared Stiff Rating: 9/10

The post Tiny Toon Adventures: Night Ghoulery (1995)  – Horror Anthology Movie Review appeared first on SCARED STIFF REVIEWS.

By Melissa Antoinette Garza

So, I was able to find a specific episode of a TV show I had been trying to track down.  It was actually on YouTube. The show was a horror anthology series called URBAN GOTHIC and the episode I have been dying to see is THIRTEEN.

Now, there was only a single fact I knew going in and that was that Richard O’Brien portrayed a character called the Thin Man.  The series it seems has an underlying context which is woven together, but you don’t have to watch every episode to jump right in.

I was able to follow the story without issue.  It surrounds the hectic life of columnist, Jude (Sean Maguire) who obtains a tip, which leads him to something known as FILE 42. He tells his girlfriend Cora (Zoe Shipway) and his good friend Fitch (Trevor Byfield) about the tip and how it brought him to research all of the strange disappearances that have been going on in the city. Though, he’s warned to not proceed by Fitch, he still leaves. Meanwhile, Cora has become entranced and possessed with the souls that the city has taken.

It is there that the Thin Man (Richard O’Brien) appears. He actually saves Jude from a vampire bite, though, I’m disappointed to say that Jude does not show any gratitude. He is an even bigger jerk, when The Thin Man, kindly explains that it is Jude’s turn to tell the stories of the city.

He refuses, but then the Thin Man explains if he ever wants to see Cora again, he’ll have to comply. Jude attempts to save Cora from the paranormal hold that she is currently under.

I’m so happy I found this. Of course, I wish O’Brien was in the tale a lot more than he was.  I wish the entire tale, or for that matter, every tale surrounded O’Brien.  He just makes me smile.  Not to mention, he has chemistry with everyone he comes into contact with. In one scene, he tells Jude that Cora is gone and I would have given anything to hear Jude respond,“Cora who?”

Let’s be real.  O’Brien is just the embodiment of everything great about sex and has chemistry with whomever he’s on screen with.  Have I told you how happy I am that I found this?

Sadly, my fan-fiction fantasies of Jude and the Thin Man did not pan out, but on the bright side, I have a spectacular imagination. And in my imagination, #TeamJinMen won and Jude can’t even remember Cora’s name. In fact, she’s still missing and he doesn’t care because he’s too busy having fun with The Thin Man. My fantasies can get pretty dark….so before I reveal too much, here’s a few #TeamJinMen photos:

As for the tale, if you are an O’Brien fan like I am, you’ll be delighted. My toes curl when I hear him speak, never-mind what he does to me when he sings. I’ve admitted my bias and been up front with you guys.

I suggest watching this while it’s still on Youtube and before it gets pulled for copyright, because I can’t find it, for sale, or streaming anywhere else.

Scared Stiff Rating:  7/10 for the tale, but 11/10 for Richard O’Brien

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By Melissa Antoinette Garza

DEADTIME STORIES (1986) has always been one of my favorite horror anthologies. When I was a kid, it was shown regularly during SPINE TINGLERS, a horror movie block that showcased scary films every weekend afternoon in the 80s.

Every time, I saw that it was on, I was excited. From beginning to end, I just loved it; and I still do. The intro song called BEDTIME TALES has an excellent fun sound that sets the mood for something unusual and lively. The composers, Jeffrey Delman and Larry Juris did a phenomenal job with this ditty.  To this day, I’ll start singing the song out of nowhere. It’s fantastic.

It isn’t just the music that makes this movie awesome, it’s the stories and the way in which they are presented.

The film opens with Brian (Brian DePersia), a young boy being babysat by his Uncle Mike (Michael Mesmer) and who can’t fall asleep. Mike agrees to tell Brian a story, then two and three, to help him rest. It quickly becomes clear that Mike may not be the best babysitter as the tales he tells are extremely inappropriate and make it even more difficult for his nephew to sleep.

The first tale surrounds ugly witch sisters, Hanagohl (Phyllis Craig) and Florinda (Anne Redfern) who can disguise themselves as young beauties. They use this power to seduce and kill their victims. Their ultimate goal is to cast a spell and bring back their third sister Magoga (Lisa Cain).

Peter (Scott Valentine) is a young man who works for the witches and is, for the most part, loyal. Florinda tries to watch out for Peter, almost in a motherly way, as Hanagohl is just horrible towards everyone.  Regardless of her way with Peter, Florinda isn’t a good mother as her aim is to turn Peter into an evil accomplice. Despite his portests, She insists he help her kidnap a beautiful woman named Miranda (Kathy Fleig). He doesn’t want to, but nonetheless pretends to be a beggar to distract her while the witch drugs her.

It isn’t long before Peter falls in love with Miranda and decides to rescue her.

It’s an amusing, cute romantic tale with theatrical over-the-top make-up and a fairy-tale style setting. It’s probably the weakest among the tales, yet it still is a solid story with a great cast and entertaining characters.

Tale #1 Rating:  7/10

Next is an adult take on LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, which is far less subtle than anything Charles Perrault ever intended. Here it takes place in modern times (well – 1986 anyways).  Rachel (Nicole Picard) is a teenager, who stops by the pharmacy to pick up her Grandmother’s meds on the way to meet her scumbag, selfish boyfriend Greg (Michael Berlinger).  Greg pressures her into giving him er virginity in a shitty shed on a shittier blow-up mattress.  I don’t like Greg!

At the pharmacy, Rachel meets Willie (Matt Mitler).  He’s there for a different reason.  He’s a werewolf, who buys illegal tranquilizers from the pharmacist to avoid turning on full moons.  Well, tonight is a full moon. To make mattes worse, the pharmacist accidentally switches the meds and Willie gets grandmas Mylanta.

He tracks down grandma (Fran Lopate), but Rachel hasn’t arrived yet.  She’s busy being pushed into sex by douchearama Greg.  Grandma fears for her safety and tells him to go.  He gets aggressive and soon goes full wolf.

What’s awesome about this scene is that the filmmakers went back and forth between Greg and Rachel having sex and Willie turning.  At one point Willie says, “I’m not ready.”  It’s a very interesting parallel between the two characters as they both are changing in ways they don’t want to.  Another major aspect I want to point out is the conscience decisions made by the filmmakers.  Today, a character like Greg would, without question, be the villain; but this was made in a time when the protagonists in movies constantly pushed and manipulated their way into sex and was cheered for it. It is remarkably refreshing that the powers-that-be made it clear that they knew Greg was a bad guy.  This movie is not cheering him or his gross, vomit-inducing come-on moves on.

My only complaint with this tale is that Greg’s comeuppance wasn’t graphic enough. Seriously, fuck that guy!

Not that Willie was a good werewolf. When he’s fully gone, he does try to paw his way into Rachel’s clothes against her will, which was wrong! BAD WOLF! That said, I always have a soft spot for werewolves. They know not what they do. They know not what they do! I’m just saying that the werewolf copping a feel is a much less creepy suitor than all-hands gross Greg.

Tale #2 Rating: 8/10

The last tale is an insane version of GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS. In this take, the Baer family are criminals. Judith ‘Mama’ Baer (Melissa Leo) drives the getaway car while helping her husband Beresford ‘Papa’ Baer (Kevin Hannon) and their 20 something, mentally challenged son Wilmont ‘Baby’ Baer (Kevin Hannon) break out of prison.

They decide to take refuge in an old abandoned house they once hid out in. Only the home is no longer vacant house they find a young woman, Goldi Lox (Cathryn DePrume).

I love Goldi Lox so much. She is just a badass! She has telekinetic powers and uses them to murder any boy who tries to get too fresh with her. She then keeps the bodies and talks to them. Lox is just insane. She gets excited when the news talks about her and is genuinely a likeable murderer.  She’s like a female Norman Bates that has the powers of Carrie. When I was a kid, I wanted to be this chick!

When she meets the Baer family, Papa and Mama are suspect of her and ready to kill, but Baby Wilmont falls in love.  The two start a whirlwind romance that is crazy and fun and would never be allowed today.

The acting is so campy and great. It’s so different. Some often confuse the bizarre and eccentric as affected or contrived. These individuals, who pride themselves as intellectuals, do not understand that films such as this, not only know what they’re doing, but have a specific reason for doing it.  If these people took the time to actually watch the films they trash, they would see that the motives of the filmmakers are quite often made very clear. Admittedly, many elements and plot-points are told in a manner that is in-your-face and lack any sense of subtlety, but, many times, there is also a level of subtext and depth that highlight some unique ideas and concepts.  Like the tale before it, GOLIDLOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS, is a perfect example.

Obviously, the representation of the criminal family and the killer with magic powers teaming up is sensational and crazy and makes for some moments of comedic brilliance. It’s silly, but it’s not stupid; and that’s an important distinction.  There is a great deal of thought that went into the film and it shows.

I still love that our introduction to Goldi is her using her powers to stop men from assaulting her. Sure, she was a full-fledged villain, who murdered for a free meal, but she was a goddamn rockstar.  That’s the kind of feminism I’m in for.

Tale #3 Rating: 9/10

 As for the wrap-around, I enjoyed it.  Particularly, the conclusion which utilized some more puppetry was enjoyable and kept right along with the quirky tone of the rest of the movie.

Throughout the movie, Delman and Juris kept things rocking with a killer soundtrack.  I can’t recommend this one enough.  It’s on AMAZON PRIME right now so check it out.  I live for this type of stuff.  It isn’t too often that feminism is properly and appropriately celebrated in horror films, but this nails it with strong female leads and creative female characters.  You don’t have to be a woman to enjoy this movie, but I think you get something extra out of it, if you are.

Scared Stiff Rating:  8.5/10

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