To get upset about the commonality of remakes these days is something of an exercise in futility. As long as they keep making money, Hollywood is going to keep churning them out. But sometimes remakes go so far in trying something new and modern that you have to wonder what they were thinking. Here are a few remakes of classic horror tales that leave you scratching your head thinking of what could have possessed the people that made them.
I, Frankenstein
There have been plenty of takes on Mary Shelley’s classic tale of hubris and mad science throughout the years. Many of these, from James Whale’s iconic version to Kenneth Branagh’s own adaptation in the ’90s, are perfectly serviceable films and classics in their own right. Sadly, the same cannot be said for 2014’s I, FRANKENSTEIN. This action-horror film was based on a graphic novel that was, in turn, based on the book and was produced by the geniuses responsible for the UNDERWORLD franchise. However, this movie had absolutely none of the charm or fun of that action series. Aaron Eckhart’s performance as the modern day monster was praised, but the rest of the movie falls flat with a mess of action doing nothing to save a barebones plot. Movie Pilot noted that the movie was so bad that there were rumors it nearly killed the possibility of another UNDERWORLD sequel, much to the chagrin of lycanthrope fans everywhere.
Hollow Man
This 2000 remake of THE INVISIBLE MAN was directed by none other than Paul Verhoeven of ROBOCOP, STARSHIP TROOPERS, and TOTAL RECALL fame. Sadly, HOLLOW MAN represents something of a black spot on his otherwise impressive film career with an ugly and uninspired take on a classic tale. While it wasn’t a bad idea to revamp the concept, it’s tough to improve on James Whale’s 1933 film and Claude Rains’ iconic performance as the titular character, the Invisible Man (aka Dr. Jake Griffin). The original movie has been preserved in the National Film Registry and continues to terrorize casual audiences through its adaptation into a slot-reel based on the film. According to Gambling.com, the game manages to capture the feel of the original movie while helping to reintroduce gamers to characters such as Griffin, his fiancee (Flora Cranley), and the gruff Mr. Hall. The original is widely considered one of the greatest horror and science-fiction films of all time, but HOLLOW MAN is a lifeless and empty exploration of the concept that feels, well, hollow.
Dracula 2000
DRACULA 2000 was yet another take on the classic vampire mythos while transporting the count to the turn of the millennium America. The movie had a fun cast featuring a “who’s who” of young stars including Danny Masterson, Sean Patrick Thomas, Shane West, Omar Epps, and Vitamin C (remember “Graduation”?), but they couldn’t do much with a thin script. The movie was also an early entry in the career of Gerard Butler, who is nearly unrecognizable as the resurrected Dracula. Ultimately, it’s a shallow and thorough miss that offers little in the way of either scares or action. Despite being a financial failure that didn’t recoup its budget, that didn’t stop two direct-to-video sequels being made. Wes Craven had an executive producer credit on this mess, and it’s one of the few movies that diminishes the late filmmaker’s legacy as a master of horror.
The Wolfman
Here’s a remake that failed in almost every way, largely because it tried so hard to adhere to the 1941 original. With a massive budget and cast that included Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt and Benicio del Toro as the Wolfman, there were high hopes for this remake. Unfortunately, it was a huge disappointment and a complete flop at the box office. To be fair, Rick Baker’s make-up effects are terrific and earned the film an Academy Award, but everything else about this bloated monstrosity is utterly forgettable. Universal hopes the third time will be the charm, though. They’re planning one more go at a Wolfman remake, this time starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the title role, as reported by Collider.
