By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. My boys at the Washington State Department of Transportation been tweeting and they got a Bigfoot on one of their traffic cameras. Really? Really? Well, y’all know it wasn’t some EBT warrior running into Wal-Mart on the third of the month. YA HEARD! You know how you know? Bigfoot wasn’t wearing pajama pants.
Now, I’m no Bigfoot expert, but I caught up with the number one Sasquatch expert in the country, Larry Blake, and he had the following to say:
“When I first saw the picture, I thought that it was a soy boy running to use his EBT card to get an impossible whopper from Burger King, but upon closer observation, I noticed signs that this was, in fact, Sasquatch. You can tell by the pubic hair patterns. They look like they have a grizzly bear in a leg lock. I know there are a lot of haters out there that say that the furry fuck don’t exist, but my father was raped and killed by one and the government is covering it up. 9/11 was an inside job and Bigfoot was inside my dad.”
Thank you for your expertise in this matter.
