By Geno McGahee

As a child, I was a big fan of both King Kong and Godzilla and watched all the older movies that featured them, including the one where they were together.  I was happy.  I thought quitting while we were ahead might be a good idea, but like everything else that is popular, Hollywood will make remakes and re-imaginings to turn a buck.

King Kong would return in 2005, but I’m not sure that that film is related to this series.  It was very good movie and showed that the big hairy ape had some potential to come back and be a box office draw.   In 1998, GODZILLA was released and most want to forget that one, but not me.  Not me!  I liked that movie.  I still consider it the best Godzilla movie even though it had things that irritated me.  It was fun, but then in 2014, GODZILLA: WE’RE SORRY FOR 1998 was released and it was dark and not much fun.  It wasn’t a bad film. It just wasn’t memorable or a good time.

In 2019, GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS came out, followed by the best in the new series, GODZILLA VS. KONG in 2021.  I wonder why Godzilla got top billing.  I’ve always been Team Kong and I’d prefer to see KONG VS. GODZILLA or KONG AND HIS GOOD FRIEND GODZILLA, but that might not draw asses to the seats.

So, after really enjoying the 2021 GODZILLA VS. KONG, I was eager to see the follow up in the new release, GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE.  I felt it was a tough formula to fuck up.  You got two big monsters.  You find some random city and they fight and they destroy everything and then it’s over.  Considering Godzilla won the first fight, I was ready for Kong to get his revenge.  With Godzilla sleeping through the majority of the movie, he could have easily just killed him when he was asleep, but he let him wake up naturally. 

Ilene (Rebecca Hall) is trying to make her adopted daughter, Jia (Kaylee Hottle), who keeps scribbling shit during class.  She also has a connection with Kong and feels that he is in some trouble in the hollow earth where he lives.  Ilene gets in touch with conspiracy theorist, Bernie (Brian Tyree Henry), and they team up to figure out what is going on.  

We find out that Kong’s issue is that he had a bad tooth.   They must have run out of ideas.  I would rather heard he had erectile dysfunction.  Now there’s a story.   They could even have a character, possible Ilene, note that “I guess he’s not King Cock after all.”  Hollywood should have contacted me.  I would have saved their movie.

Trapper (Dan Stevens) is some eccentric guy that wears tropical shirts.  He is able to give Kong a new tooth and the movie could have ended there and I would have been happy.  I think I would have just been happy if it ended then and they showed something else.   

Trapper, Illen, Bernie, Jia, and a random guy that was definitely going to die early, travel to the hollow earth to see the glorious CGI world.  They go through the jungle and Trapper senses something and the guy that doesn’t probably have a name in this gets eaten by a plant.  Thankfully that is the only plant in the whole film that is dangerous and after a minute or so, they forget about it.  Fuck him.  He wasn’t important. 

While visiting the hollow earth, they find a post where a bunch of people were killed and they figure out that there is another monster there that likes to fuck shit up.   As this is happening, Kong meets up with some little fucking shit ape that sets him up.  He gets jumped by a bunch of raggedy looking chimps and gorillas, but they are no match for Kong.  Kong also has an axe in this one, which I don’t get.  They are just giving him shit to make it different.  I contend that if you are going to give him an axe, you give him clothing first.   If you are sitting there in the jungle, you’d first say “I need to cover my junk” before you make a weapon. 

Kong takes the little fucking shit ape under his wing and he is brought to a slave camp where the apes are all forced to work.  It reminded me of ENEMY MINE when those poor aliens were put to work and pushed around, but that was a far better movie.  As Kong watches on, an elderly gorilla gets slapped around and he’s seen enough.  Kong says fuck you and punches out the guard, leading to the debut of the big monster that they’ve hid in fog and shadows for a bit and he was totally unimpressive.  He’s a big skinny orangutan with a whip.  He also has a pet lizard thing that shoots radiation or something.   It’s enough to keep the gorilla slaves in line, but it was disappointing.

Kong goes 0-2 against big monsters when that big fucking orangutan guy kicks his ass and I’m really depressed now.  He finds a place to die, but the human visitors give him a mechanical metal hand to fight with.   It would NEVER WORK.  Go to the zoo.  Find a gorilla and sneak in when they are sleeping.  Put a metal mechanical hand on their arm and they will wake up, rip it off and beat you over the head with it and probably have his way with you, depending on the season.  Actually, I don’t think there is an official mating season for gorillas.  I never Google anything before I write reviews.   Sorry.

Godzilla finally wakes up and destroys some stuff and is now looking for some signal that is coming from hollow earth.  That signal is coming from a lost tribe that Jia is related to and now they are going to use all their technology to get Kong and Godzilla together to take on the skinny orangutan guy and his reptile dog thing. 

The final fight happens with orangutan man and lizard dog versus King Kong and Godzilla.  Well, they added Mothra to the mix because he’s a guardian for the tribe and he’s there to make sure that shit goes right.  Can you guess who won this final fight?  It wasn’t orangutan man and his lizard dog.

GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE was very dull without much dialogue or suspense.  If you like watching constant fights with CGI monsters without much more going for it, then this is for you.  I kept screaming “bring in Matthew Broderick!”  I was that angry that I paid to see this movie.  Giving King Kong an axe and a fucking mechanical glove?  What next, they’re going to give him a strap on dildo to attack the city with?   I hope they do.  

I can’t recommend this one.  I thought it sucked.

Rating: 3.5/10

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By Geno McGahee

Animal attack movies used to be done with regularity and done well.  Movies like ORCA, FROGS, SQUIRM, NIGHT OF THE LEPUS and GRIZZLY were good fun.  Those were the days and then the Sci-Fi network stepped in and things got bad for this sub-genre.  If I never see a shark movie or a no budget shark movie rip off again, it’ll be too soon.  So, I wasn’t sure if I would ever watch another animal attack movie again, but I decided to give COCAINE BEAR a watch and it’s certainly better than any Sci-Fi network attempt.  That’s for sure.

We begin with a plane going down and the drug trafficker dropping all the bags of cocaine into a national park.  He grabs his parachute and jumps out and the chute doesn’t open and he plummets to his death.  This is where the “based on actual events” comes into play.  You don’t need much to go on when you say “based on a true story”.  Look at TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.  I used to be terrified of that because it was true.  It was as true as COCAINE BEAR.

The immediate problem with this movie is that it doesn’t take itself seriously at all and that could be seen as a good thing, but it’s not.  I like films that are silly and embrace the stupid topic that it’s based on, but certain aspects should have been taken seriously like character development.  The only character that was really focused on in this movie was the bear.  All the dialogue between characters doesn’t really push the story forward and is just there. 

The film begins with a couple that are just there to be killed and the bear is introduced and it’s done pretty well.  I didn’t understand why the boyfriend allowed his girlfriend to be dragged away without trying to save her at all, but I enjoyed the opening scene.

So, the drug kingpin, Syd (Ray Liotta), sending a couple of his guys to the park to retrieve his drugs and Liotta is always good despite not having much to work with.  As the two head over to the park, they encounter some punks and a detective, Bob (Isiah Whitlock JR), that is also seeking the money.  As this happens, the bear is causing all sorts of trouble and it is fun to watch.  The film focusing almost exclusively and unevenly on the bear is a complaint of mine, but the one thing they focused on they did it well. 

An actress I usually really like, Margo Martindale plays Ranger Liz, who eventually goes to try to hunt the bear, is really annoying in this.  She was great in MILLION DOLLAR BABY.  She was actually one of the big highlights but she was in a real role. I think everyone knows a trashy relative or neighbor like she played.  Her role as Ranger Liz was empty and was difficult to invest in.

The characters that are interested in the cocaine got into battle and the bear gets more people to kill and they made the ending especially gruesome, which was nice.  I just walked away from this film immediately forgetting it.  I can see why it was popular.  It’s one of those movies that you can watch, walk away from and come back at any time and not miss anything.  It’s a popcorn movie that tried to capture the magic of the 70’s animal attack movies but it doesn’t have the depth of most of them. 

COCAINE BEAR is OK.  I liked that it took place in the 1980s.  That gets a couple of points out of the gates.  Outside of the 1980s and the fun factor of the bear, I didn’t get much from this one.  I still recommend it but only if you’re in the mood for mindless carnage.

Rating: 5/10

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By Geno McGahee

One of the greatest monsters of all time is Pumpkinhead, even if the franchise he’s involved in might not be a horror standout.  I have not seen any of the series outside of the original for quite some time, but I took some time to check out PUMPKINHEAD II: BLOOD WINGS, after 30 years.   How the hell did 30 years go by like that? 

We start in the late 1950s with a very Jason Voorhees-looking kid, Tommy (J.P. Manoux), just playing in the woods.  He looked like hillbilly Jason Voorhees, not hockey mask zombie Jason. I just wanted to clear that up.  A cool thing here is that Manoux that played Tommy also played Robot Man in EUROTRIP.  I think it’s cool.  I don’t care if you don’t.  I liked both Tommy and Robot Man.  Good job Manoux!

In the fifties, there were hooligans known as “Greasers”, and there is a group of these guys called the “Red Wings”.   The Red Wings drive up and see poor Tommy and decide to kill the guy.  This was done quite often in horror movies.  HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II comes to mind.  If you killed somebody in the 1950s, they’ll be back, and unfortunately for the Red Wings, they fucked with the wrong mutated hillbilly boy. 

 Osie (Lilyan Chauvin) is an old witch that has been looking after Tommy and she desperately wanted revenge, but she just couldn’t pull the trigger and bring Pumpkinhead back to kick ass.  That was nice of her.

Sheriff Braddock (Andrew Robinson) has just moved back into town with his teen daughter, Jenny (Ami Dolenz).  As he gets a handle on the small town, Jenny meets a group of new friends.  Danny (J. Trevor Edmond), Marcie (Soliel Moon Frye), Peter (Hill Harper) and Paul (Alexander Polinsky) are the new group of friends, but I don’t think this group needed Paul.  He says nothing and just hangs out.  At one point, he flips off Jenny’s dad, but other than that, he has nothing going.  I wonder if the writer forgot about him and just focused on Danny being a bad guy and rejoicing that Punky Brewster is in their horror movie.

We get another common horror movie thing happening when the teens gather at night. Danny, being a complete shithead, is driving his car with the group without the lights on.  For some reason, Osie is walking across the street and they hit her with the car.  Of course Danny wants to leave her to die and isn’t worried about the old lady at all.  Osie knows what they did last summer and shit is about to get real.

They bring Osie to her home and notice all the witchcraft stuff.  Punky Brewster is into that stuff, so she can recognize witchcraft stuff.  I knew she was going to be a resource for witch stuff just by how she dressed.  She does concede that Osie is doing things that is beyond her Ouija board. I used a Ouija board once. I may or may not have contacted my grandfather.  If I did, he wasn’t talkative that day.

All of the teens leave Osie to die, but Danny stays behind and beats Osie’s ass and takes a small container of blood to bring back the dead.  I don’t know how he knew that the blood would bring back the dead. It may have been just a lucky guess. I found it very amusing that Osie called Danny “boy” about ten times.  They go to Tommy’s grave, dig it up, and drop the blood onto the body.  Those crazy kids bring back Pumpkinhead.

Whenever Pumpkinhead is on the screen, it’s great fun.  It’s fair to say that he looked better in the original, but he still looks great in this one and he is just fucking people up.  During this time, Osie is in the hospital, recovering, but seeing all of the carnage is making her convulse with regularity.   Remarkably, the nurses don’t tend to her at all. They just let her flop around on the bed as they drink coffee. 

The deaths are piling up and Braddock is starting to realize that something supernatural is going on.  His partner, Pettibone (Gloria Hendry), brings up the legend of Pumpkinhead.  That does something to Braddock.  He goes into total serious mode and recites a poem about Pumpkinhead and it was pretty hilarious.  I watched it a couple times.  I wonder if other legends like the Jersey Devil or Loch Ness Monster have poems.  If so, I will learn them and say them any time they are brought up.

Much like the original PUMPKINHEAD, the monster is seeking revenge here too, killing all the Greasers and also going after the teens that hit Osie with the car.  Braddock eventually comes face to face with Pumpkinhead and reasons with him.  I didn’t know you could do that.  I thought Pumpkinhead just didn’t give a fuck, but he’ll listen to you if you say the right things. 

PUMPKINHEAD II: BLOOD WINGS was tremendously fun.  I won’t contend that it’s clever or written incredibly well, but it provides entertainment from start to finish.  I’m now going to have to explore the rest of the franchise to see if they will bring me this much joy and laughter.  I highly recommend this one. 

Rating: 7.5/10

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By Geno McGahee

I like gorillas.  So, if a movie has a gorilla there is a good chance that I will enjoy it.   In the 1988 live action Disney film “MIGHTY JOE YOUNG,” we get a huge gorilla and that sounded like a good thing to me.   As you know, I’ve been on a Disney live action spree lately, focusing mostly on 1990s and early 2000s flicks.  I’ve been punished with the last two, THE SHAGGY DOG and MR. MAGOO, but I am happy to say that my luck has changed.

Dr. Ruth Young (Linda Purl) takes care of gorillas along with her young daughter, Jill (Mika Booorem), and I recognized Mika right away. She was in RIDING IN CARS WITH BOYS.  I have seen that movie a lot.  I’m not sure why I have, but I have. It was probably James Woods.  I like James Woods.

The first 20 minutes or so of MIGHTY JOE YOUNG was pretty boring.  A few things happened like a mean poacher, Strasser (Rade Serbedzija), trying to kill a gorilla only to have his index finger and thumb bit off.  Out of anger, he kills Ruth and Joe the Gorilla’s mother.    Now we got two orphans and the strange thing is that Ruth demanded her daughter take care of Joe.  Her mother was shot.  You’d think that she’d say “get help” or “get a fucking EMT”, but she was only thinking of the gorilla.   She elected to lie there with her daughter and just drop dead.  I think she would have lived if she got help rather than placing this burden and trauma on Jill.

12 years go by and now young Jill is grown up Jill (Charlize Theron) and she looks out for Joe who is now enormous.  Poachers desperately wants to kill him and Strasser is still an asshole and would gladly kill him too.  The only one that wants to make sure that somebody doesn’t blow Joe’s brains out is Gregg (Bill Paxton), a representative for a sanctuary for animals and he has a home for him. 

At first, Jill wants Gregg to fuck off, but when the poachers become a real threat, she agrees to bring Joe to California.  This is when the movie finally starts moving forward.  There is something about seeing crazy shit happen in familiar places that I really enjoy.   King Kong fucking shit up in New York City is something that I can’t get enough of.  Same with Godzilla.  Any monster destroying NYC is OK.  

Joe is now in a sanctuary in L.A.  I don’t know if he loves L.A., but that song is now stuck in my head and I don’t like that song.  All is well and Jill is given the job of basically keeping Joe in line, but shit hits the fan when Strasser comes back and winds him up and he goes ape shit at an investors gathering.  

Joe is now loose in the city and he’s fucking up cars and stepping on people and throwing a genuine shit fit.  At this point, I was thoroughly enjoying the movie, but then it gets better.  As Jill and Gregg try to beat Strasser to Joe, they head to an amusement park.  A huge monster gorilla, guns and amusement park…now this is a movie.

MIGHTY JOE YOUNG is a really decent film, but it’s also really unremarkable.  When it was fun, it was really fun, but there is a lot of buildup and down time.  It’s a 2 hour movie and probably could have benefitted from an edit where we lost 15 minutes to keep the viewer interested.  If not that, give us more gorilla going crazy. 

I think I was spoiled watching GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE 1 and 2 before watching this.   I was hoping the gorillas would dance and play cards and sing, but they acted more like gorillas here. I would have been happy if they incorporated some of that fun into this one, but they tried to keep it more real, I suppose…as real as a fifteen foot tall gorilla can be. 

I should also note that I was disappointed with Bill Paxton here.  He seemed bored with this role and there was no chemistry with Theron in this.  He had more chemistry with that old bird in TITANIC.  I’m glad there was no sex scene there.   My point is that Paxton is good and should have been an A lister but he was phoning it in here and it shows and Theron had no interest in him here.  It was obvious, but if you are Jill (Theron) and you are seeing Joe’s fifteen foot long junk, Gregg’s dong won’t be impressive.  Perhaps this was explored in the three hour version.

In the end, I enjoyed this film, despite the slow burn of it.  Sit through the first 30 minutes and it gets fun. 

Rating: 6.5/10

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By Geno McGahee

This film was a long time coming.  In 2014, the indie video game hit and became super popular.  I know because my son was seriously into it and I watched as he and his friends would enjoy the jump scares and story.  As much as I didn’t personally ever play the game, I knew all about it from my kids and a feature film concerning this game was in high demand.

The demand is so high that I tried to get tickets today for the show.  I actually tried to buy them last night and every show was sold out.  This movie is a runaway hit and thankfully, despite missing the cinema experience, I was able to watch it with my kids on Peacock on my big screen in my living room. 

Prior to this film, there were a couple of knockoffs that weren’t that bad.  THE BANANA SPLITS MOVIE came out in 2019 and WILLY’S WONDERLAND with Nicolas Cage was released in 2021.  Neither could satisfy the fans but they were enough to hold them off and they were both very fun movies, but now the real deal is here.  FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S was just unleashed and it was worth the wait.

Mike (Josh Hutcherson) lives with a lot of guilt.  Years ago, his younger brother was snatched and murdered and he cannot let it go.  He is also the caregiver for his younger sister, Abby (Piper Rubio), but that is not going well.  His aunt wants to take her away and he cannot hold down a job.  He is bouncing around but finally gets an offer from Steve (Matthew Lillard) to work at a shutdown kid’s restaurant with some very interesting animatronics.

While working, Mike meets a police officer that is there to help.  Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail) knows a lot about the place and does some strange things initially, including asking Mike to dance while the animatronics sing.  I’ve never had a cop ask me to dance.  Now that I know it’s possible, I’m eagerly awaiting it.

In his dreams, Mike keeps replaying the abduction of his brother and is now seeing a bunch of creepy kids.  He is convinced that they know something and he can communicate with them to find out who took his brother.  The dream keeps repeating and Mike becomes obsessed and starts neglecting the needs of Abby.

When he brings Abby to work with him, things get really fun.  The animatronics come to life and begin partying with her.  They aren’t too fond of Mike, but they just want to play with Abby and seem like a good group of fluffy robots, but things aren’t as they seem.  

The fun factor here is great.  I had a lot of fun watching this and it just kept getting better.  It was a little predictable and there was a couple of silly things that didn’t make a lot of sense, but those are just little things that didn’t take anything away from the enjoyment of the film.  

I didn’t expect to enjoy FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S so much.   Then again, I’ve always had affection for robots.  So, this film had a check in the good box immediately with me, but it’s earned its way beyond that. 

I highly recommend this FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S.  It’s just a fun film that is safe for kids.  The creators knew their audience, understood what the fans wanted and gave it to them.  My daughter kept on telling me, as we watched it, that things would happen and what characters were which.  It’s no wonder why it’s hitting so hard.  They gave the people what they wanted, but the film is enjoyable when you don’t know a great deal about it like me. 

Rating: 7.5/10

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By Geno McGahee

Film Masters does it again with the release of a two-disc double feature of THE GIANT GILA MONSTER and THE KILLER SHREWS.  Upon opening the Blu-ray, I was immediately impressed.  The presentation was is so good and you get a booklet that gets you right into the mood to pop these discs into the Blu-ray player, which is what I did.

THE GIANT GILA MONSTER is just a lot of fun with some missing teens and an investigation leading to the discovery of a town with a huge problem.  There is a huge Gila Monster on the loose, killing townspeople and the sheriff must take it down.  This is just a great Drive-In sort of film with some innovative special effects and a great usage of music.

THE KILLER SHREWS concerns an island that is getting hit by a hurricane but that’s the least of their problems.  To avoid overpopulation, the humans are shrunk but that leaves them easy prey to the Killer Shrews.  This is a very silly movie but it has the same charm as THE GIANT GILA MONSTER and the same sort of musical approach to keep it fun.

The 4K presentation and restoration is amazing and this is loaded with extras that any fan of the Drive-In movies of the 1950s will appreciate and enjoy.  I cannot recommend this enough.  I had such a good time watching these back to back and that’s what I suggest you do.  Make it a double feature and get some popcorn.  It’ll be a good time.

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By Geno McGahee

In 1982, SWAMP THING was released and it was one of the most impactful films of my childhood. I would watch it over and over again and loved the idea of a scientist coming into contact with some strange chemicals to become a monster.  It was a monster movie and it checked every box and was a classic for me and so many others.

In 1989, THE RETURN OF SWAMP THING was released and I have to admit, I had never seen it.  I was always turned off by the cover with Heather Locklear being held by Swamp Thing and smiling.  I think that C.H.U.D. II: BUD THE C.H.U.D. had soured me to comedic sequels to films that I held so dear, but I’ve grown up since then and am willing to give movies more of a chance and now that it’s released in 4K UHD for a 35^th anniversary edition, I have given it a fair watch and I was pleasantly surprised.  

The film looks great.  The restoration was done well and it felt a great deal like the original in presentation.   There’s a different approach and vibe to this and it is more of a light-hearted one.  I don’t think everyone has taken a swamp creature as seriously as I have, but that’s not a terrible thing. 

SWAMP THING villain, Arcane (Louis Jourdan) is back, remarkably, and he is trying to perfect the process of taking a human and transforming them into a creature of great power.  He is also trying to figure out how to reverse the aging process. Jourdan is great in the role and I don’t care if it don’t make sense.  Arcane is welcome back in this movie and ANY movie, no matter what.

The film doesn’t mind using excessive monster action to sell this one and it’s not a bad thing. Swamp Thing is fighting all of the time here.  It might be quantity over quality here, but it works and I’m starting to wonder why I’ve waited this long to watch this film.  I think my love of Swamp Thing stopped me from watching it.  It was sacred to me and I felt they were mocking it, but this is more of a strange love letter to the series than anything else.

THE RETURN OF SWAMP THING was really enjoyable and cheesy.  It took the path of the EVIL DEAD and made a lighter entry in the series.   It showed some love for the Swamp Thing character and added comedy and a much less serious approach.  

I consider this release a must-own for SWAMP THING fans.  I really enjoyed it and the restoration was amazing.  I’m sort of happy I waited this long to watch it.  It felt old and new at the same time.

Packed with bonus material, THE RETURN OF SWAMP THING UHD/Blu-ray release is awesome and now has a home right beside my SWAMP THING collection.  It earned it.

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By Geno McGahee

It took me some time to give this one a shot.  I kept hearing a lot of negative stuff about this film and it seemed unanimous.  So, I wasn’t eager to put down twenty or so dollars to find out if the word on the street was correct, but time passed, and the price dropped.  So, for 12 dollars, I bought the DVD, hoping my love of the creeper would come through and that I would enjoy this film.

In 2001, horror was in need of a new icon and it appeared to have one with the Creeper.  JEEPERS CREEPERS was a great film that would become very popular, leading to a sequel in 2003.  JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 wasn’t much of a film and didn’t add anything substantial to the story or the creature.   So, the Creeper disappeared and would return in 2017 in JEEPERS CREEPERS 3, a really underrated film.  As much as I liked that one, it didn’t go over well and the series was dead, but this is a horror franchise and those can go on forever.

JEEPERS CREEPERS: REBORN is a re-launch of the series with a 5 million dollar budget.  That’s not much to play with, but THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT was made on 5 grand. So, money isn’t everything, but when you make a movie about a monster that flies around and fucks shit up, it’s good to have a decent budget.

Laine (Sydney Craven) and her boyfriend, Chase (Imran Adams), are on their way to a big horror gathering.  Chase is obsessed with the Creeper, watching an Unsolved Mysteries episode about it, which is basically based on the original beginning of the first film.  Laine isn’t into horror and is a skeptic of just about everything, even bringing up the moon landing hoax theory.   Hey Laine, that theory is sound.

The two get a hotel and we get a very weird scene where Laine dresses up like several notable characters like Freddy Krueger and Harley Quinn while Chase is really excited, or I guess he was supposed to be.  There really isn’t any chemistry between Craven and Adams.  I’m not sure if the director wasn’t doing his job or if the talent just didn’t have the ability to get it together, but it’s hard to imagine these two together in reality. 

The festival features a bunch of people dressed up like horror figures and they all seem to be having a good time.  Chase and Laine enter a contest where the winner gets to partake in an escape room in the Creeper’s house…or the rumored Creeper’s house.  It’s not that far-fetched.  How many people go to supposed haunted houses with the hopes of being scared or seeing real paranormal activity?  A bunch.  At least a few.

Laine has the winning number and she is driven over to the house along with Chase, Stu (Peter Brooke), Carrie (Ocean Navarro) and one other character that hates rednecks.  I can’t seem to find his name anywhere, but it doesn’t matter much, I guess. 

The group has to walk through a graveyard and the Creeper (Jarreau Benjamin) swoops in and picks up Laine and flies away.  The rest of the group goes to the house and Chase starts frantically asking everyone where his girlfriend is.  He saw the Creeper pick her up, but he still thinks that Stu might be in on it.  Actually, Stu gets a lot of shit because he’s a country boy. 

Laine is tied up and she is pregnant.  The Creeper wants the baby, but he is pissed off that those assholes are in his house.  So, he’s going to kill them and he’s got help in this one.  There is a cult that worships and helps the Creeper and I think that is really awesome.  I like cults though.  I loved HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS with the cult that worked with Michael Myers.  You have to figure that if there is a killer force that there will be people that think that they are mad cool and might go as far as to worship them.  Look how many serial killers get love letters from people on the outside.

The CGI/green screen stuff in this film is everywhere and it can be distracting.   I’m not sure why this was the route that the producers went, when they could have probably done a lot of this practically.  With a 5 million dollar budget, getting a house and a graveyard doesn’t seem that difficult, but maybe it was.  Maybe this was the only way they could do what they wanted to do with this and maybe they didn’t get the 5 million as reported.  There’s a lot of maybes here. 

The look of the Creeper isn’t as good as in the other films for sure, but it’s not bad either.  I also liked the performance by Benjamin as the Creeper.  He was menacing and brought it to life and did some things that I found very amusing.  When the Creeper breaks down a door, he looks in and smiles and waves.  The Creeper always had a personality that would have range, including a sense of humor and he has it here. 

The Creeper listens to his old record player and you’d think that he would be listening to the Jeepers Creepers song, but he isn’t.  He’s listening to some knockoff song that is supposed to sound like it, but it blows. You’d think that the change in song wouldn’t mean that much, but it did. They should have saved on CGI and put that money into purchasing the rights for the song.

Even though I hated the change in songs, the Creeper going ape shit when Stu breaks his record player was very funny.  I can’t blame the Creeper for being upset.  I can’t imagine seeing him walking into a Best Buy and buying another.  He was stuck with the old one he had and if it broke, he was fucked and he was fucked here.

The survivors of the group, Laine, Chase and Stu, plan to kill the Creeper but there isn’t a lot of emotion here. I can see why people have had a hard time liking this movie because it’s difficult to get invested in the characters.  I’ve heard that they weren’t always in the same room because of the pandemic and, if that is the case, then it makes total sense why it’s not clicking.

The final attack on the Creeper by the group is pretty amusing and we get a “how do you like those peepers bitch” from Laine at the end, which was pretty funny.   We also get room for a sequel to this new start of the series, but that might not be likely at this point considering the reaction and bad reviews, but this isn’t a bad review.  I’m recommending this one.

JEEPERS CREEPERS: REBORN isn’t a bad film, but the execution of the production is where the problem lies.  The cast didn’t click and there was no chemistry between the main couple.  The characters didn’t really act terrified like you think they would when some monster was hunting them down.  The dialogue wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t delivered very well by any of the cast.  As I said earlier, if they weren’t in the same room together due to the pandemic, it’s totally understandable why they couldn’t find their rhythm.

The good outweighs the bad here and this is a very enjoyable film.  I liked the Creeper and the overall story.  The addition of a cult was great and seeing the Creeper stand with the cult was a cool visual.  This feels like a straight to video horror sequel from the early 2000s and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I like those sorts of movies.  It’s what I rented from Hollywood Video back at that time. 

In the end, I did not waste 12 dollars.  I am happy to have this in my movie collection now and recommend it if you like the Creeper or if you are just a horror fan.  If you can forgive the bad acting, zero chemistry, bad CGI and lack of real Jeepers Creepers song, you will like this I bet. 

Rating: 7/10

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By Geno McGahee

In 1993, JURASSIC PARK was released and it was something different.  It was more than a movie. It was an event and it displayed a mixture of CGI and practical effects in a roller coaster ride of a film.   In 1997, THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK was released and didn’t do the same business as the original and wasn’t nearly as good.   JURASSIC PARK III was put out in 2001 and was the least successful of the three and the least inspired and marked the end of the series, or so we thought.

JURASSIC WORLD brought the series back in 2015 and it was hugely successful, despite it being rather mediocre.   The follow up JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM which also made a lot of money.  The returning dinosaurs were printing it and making another one was inevitable and JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION was released and I was quite excited to see it.  Laura Dern returning as Ellie Sattler, Sam Neill returning as Alan Grant and Jeff Golblum coming back to the role of Ian Malcolm had to be good…right?

Owen (Chris Pratt) and his girlfriend Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) are living in a cabin in the woods with a human clone, Maisie (Isabella Sermon), that they stole from an evil corporation.  They are keeping her locked away from society to protect her from the poachers and corporation that wants her back.  Unfortunately, the poachers kidnap her and a small raptor, leading Owen to promise to a mama raptor that he will rescue it and return it.  Now I know that Owen worked with raptors and they didn’t kill him as they usually do, but those were at the Jurassic zoo thing, not in the wild.  This film lost something immediately when the raptor had a connection to Owen.  They’re killers!  Come on!

The rescue is on and Owen and Claire team up with a pilot, Kayla (Dewanda Wise), to get Maisie and the raptor back.  They will have to infiltrate the evil corporation to do it, but first, they must go through some impossible action sequences for about thirty minutes that made this feel nothing like a JURASSIC PARK film.  What the fuck are they doing with this one?  Owen cannot get hurt. He gets attacked by raptors, in a plane crash, falls through ice…not a scratch.  That irritates me.  He could be hit in the face by a T-Rex cock at 80 MPH and he wouldn’t have a bruise. 

As this happens, we get re-introduced to Sattler and Grant.  This is what I was waiting for and it wasn’t very good.  Dern was phoning this in and I understand why.  The material she’s given isn’t good, but Neill was great and he aged really well.  Sattler says “you look the same” to him and that’s what I was thinking. 

The duo reunites to go to the evil corporation to take DNA from a giant locust and prove that the company is behind the invasion of a bunch of these huge fuckers.  They are being assisted by Malcolm and the trio finds some of the original chemistry they had, but it’s fleeting.    They aren’t in this film as much as I thought they’d be as focus shifts right back to Owen, Claire and Kayla. 

The dinosaurs begin to take over the film, which you’d think would be a really good thing.  The impact of the dinosaurs in the original JURASSIC PARK was something special, but the CGI here isn’t as good as you’d expect and the actors that are working off of these computer creations aren’t interacting well.  I know this was a huge budget film, but it feels like a straight to video film the more I sat through it.

The group comes together, the old and the new, and they begin fighting some more dinosaurs and we get a ton of throwback lines and situations to the first.  I usually appreciate this stuff, but it seemed very empty and forced in.  As much as these dinosaurs are killers, supposedly, it never feels like anyone in this group is in any danger.  With a bunch of lead characters, you’d expect a couple to be taken out.  I was hoping that Sattler would be eaten by a dinosaur to save the character.  The weak performance and bad material tarnished it for sure.

The dinosaurs reclaim the island and they do a speech about living together and saving the world and so on and so forth.  I was just happy it was over.  I can’t believe I made it through two and a half hours of this, but my love of the original so much that I was loyal to the original characters.  They broke my heart.

JURASSIC WORLD DOMINION is a terrible movie that drags on, doesn’t feel like a JURASSIC PARK movie half of the time and the lack of true danger for the main characters kept me out of the film.  The fucker went down in a plane crash and he jumped out completely unharmed.  Show me one person that crashed in a huge cargo plane without a seatbelt and was able to get out unhurt and then run from a raptor.  Name one.  I’m waiting…

This film sucked.  Avoid it. 

Rating: 2/10

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By Brooke Kamishlian

Officer Brown, a big city cop comes to Adams, Massachusetts to get away from all the crime, but stumbles across a deadly secret. Adams is the sort of town that you can visit but never leave.

I watched this in preparation to watch the sequel, Rise of the Scarecrows: Hell on Earth, which a Facebook friend was promoting on his page. He directed both flicks!

Well this is a true example of independent backyard film making. It is clear that everyone involved is an amateur at this point in their career but that they are having a hell of a time putting this movie together.

Geno McGahee wrote, directed, and acted in this horror movie about a bunch of REAL ASSHOLES getting killed off by undead scarecrows (well not exactly “scarecrows”. The mythology of the Big Bads is briefly explained in the movie, but I wish there was a bit more time spent on the origins of these devilish creatures that the townsfolk have made an unholy deal with).

I mean, these characters are top tier jerks and bottom of the barrel misogynists, and honestly I couldn’t wait for them to die. The one likable character is the big city cop, Officer Brown. And as the good guy he just isn’t isn’t good enough to balance the downright disgusting behavior of the rest of the townsfolk.

Even so, he is the most realistic character in the movie, and therefore the most relatable; struggling with his common sense and good judgement in the face of official orders from his superior.

I would be remiss to not mention the gratuitous nude scene showcasing the unbelievably beautiful Amanda Nigro. Gratuitous? Yes. Enjoyable? HELL yes. What is this lovely lady doing hanging out with these across the board unlikable yahoos?

This film is not great. It’s not polished, the special effects are home grown, and the acting is less than believable in most cases; but for a fledgling group of filmmakers this is a great foray into the most forgiving of genres. As an avid horror fan I have slogged through some of the worst of the worst to find gems in a highly saturated market of horror and sleaze. And this is not the worst by far. In fact, I found myself enjoying the whole thing and laughing quite a bit along the way. If you, like me, are a fan of movies like Peter Rottentail you will find a lot to like here. And a lot that can be improved upon. Which brings me to sequel…..

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