By Geno McGahee
I buy a lot of shit. I am not afraid to try new things and sometimes the leap of faith is a good one. Other times, not so much. It should be hard to screw up chocolate cereal. I love nearly all of it. Cocoa Pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, Cocoa Krispies and Count Chocula are quite good, but then you have Chocolate Frosted Flakes. I made the mistake of buying that shit. It was like eating chocolate rocks. So, when I bought Chocolate Toast Crunch, I figured it had to be better than the Frosted Flakes effort and it was, but not by much.
Do you care that I use 2% milk? I’m not sure. I’ve not done a cereal review before, but in case you’re curious, I have not tried this product with anything but the 2% that was in my fridge. My first impression was that they smelled a little strange. I got the chocolate but they just didn’t smell as I thought they would. BUT I paid my 4 dollars for the box and I was going to eat the damn stuff.
The texture is identical to Golden Grahams and I love Golden Grahams. Why the fuck didn’t I buy Golden Grahams instead? The taste would best be described as chalky. As advertised the crunch is there and if you are only looking for a crunch, you can get it here, but I wanted more than that.
Since they sucked initially, I let them set in the milk a smidge to give them a little softness. Perhaps the combo of my 2% milk and cereal would be a winner. I finished the bowl and said “yuck.” What fucking test group would pass this stuff onto the public? I bet that the test group ate bowl after bowl of even shittier stuff and when this came to the table, they said “at least it’s crunchy…it’s a pass!” Four dollars down the shitter.
There’s more to this story. I drank almost 32 ounces of water after. It wasn’t to get rid of the taste. It just made me very thirsty. What the hell was in this crap?! The aftertaste is also something that you will have to contend with here.
Chocolate Toast Crunch sucks. I suspect it will be off the market soon. There are way better choco-options out there. This one doesn’t even try. I want my four dollars back and the two bottled waters I had to down to get rid of the remnants.
Rating: 1/10. Gotta give it a point for the crunch.
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